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Inspired by soul_magnolia http://www.magnifiquemag.com/now

197 8 Jul 21, 2018

Good afternoon..these lyrics hit me man..they told me be honest..you want reality tv turn on vh1..you want some real shit check me out..when i was sleeping in the park..damn..i remember a racoon sniffin at my head 4am..time to get up..im fuckin starvin..not even enough money for a got damn slice..i seriously was mastering the pain..i had it down to a science..humans can adapt to a lot of shit..this gotta be rock bottom..lemme check...nope still got a good two years to go.. . my pride was fuckin with me..I'm too proud to beg for change..until i wasn't..i remember vividly mouthing the words..do you have any extra change so i can get something to eat..i couldn't believe it...wow how the mighty have fallen..and yea i am mighty..always have been always will be..wicked drug habit and all..all i know is this..everything i said I'd never do i did..i had one thing left i said I'd never do..i said I'd never get clean..I'm glad i had that as my last "I'd never do"... enjoy the rest of the day everyone..fuck out my face...oooowwww!! knockaround 👊👊💪💪🙌🙌🙏🙏🗣🗣👑👑💖💖💯💯🎶🎶🎤🎤💰💰🔗🔗⚖⚖🍆🍆🍆🍆😘😘😘😘 . #cleanandserene #cleanandsober #cleanliving #cleanaf #cleanteam #recoverystories #qualityoflifemovement #ohmiestribe #lindennj #lindennjfun #lindenlegend #fuckoutmyface #ohmiesway #yogisofinstagram #yogaeverydamnday #yogainspiration #yogasavedmylife #calisthenicsmovement #calisthenicsworkout #hiphopyoga #hiphopmusic #dopebeats #firebeats #exhibitc #jayelectronica #nas #summerknocks #beatsfordays #classichiphop #dopemusic

44 7 Jul 18, 2018

Fill the silence. I realise that this is something I do. I have this overpowering empathy and because of it, I constantly want to put the other person at ease and often I go directly against what’d be good for me. I talk to much when I ought be quiet and I talk very little when I should be talking. I feel like I can sense what the other person is like and I subconsciously want to please them by behaving accordingly. I wish I could just feel what the other person thinks or feels and I could just leave it at that. Now THAT would be a superpower. Having a knowledge but not the impulse to act on it. It is such an automatic knee-jerk reaction for me, I can’t seem to have any way to stop it from happening. Most of the time it happens so quickly that I only notice it afterwards and of course I feel very distressed about it and disappointment in myself. Then other times I notice it as it’s happening and even then I can’t help myself. It is one of the most frustrating things about myself, this insight I have and yet I can’t help myself. The only strategy that I could come up with was to avoid people with bad intentions - I mean this isn’t a bad strategy overall, but realistically I will keep having interactions with people who’ll have malicious or competing intensions. My therapist says to keep meditating and that’ll give me that extra few seconds to think before I say or do things that I don’t want to do, be it something I’d say out or do out of people pleasing, desperation or rage. Maybe she’s right and meditation works. I’d love to hear some other tips though, as meditation so far hasn’t really worked for me… Quote: Emmett Shear #bpd #bpdlife #bpdrecovery #bpdthoughts #bpdwarrior #bpdmemes #bpdstruggles #bpdthings #bpdstory #emotionallyunstablepersonalitydisorder #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #personalitydisorder #mentalillness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #recoverystories #recoverystory #recoveryispossible #stopthestigma #recoveryisworthit #bpdawareness #bpdsupport #bpdfam #stopthestigma #stopthestigmamentalillness #semicolonproject

56 3 Jul 20, 2018

Good morning...freedom from and freedom to..today i have freedom from the chains addiction had on my life..and freedom to be able to do whatever the fuck I wanna do..so today it's yoga on the mfkin beach..before i left i seen one of my old running partners still running..chasing..chained down..a stark reminder of where i was and where i never want to be again..have a great day everyone..fuck out my face..oooowwww!! 👊👊💪💪🙏🙏🙌🙌🗣🗣💯💯👑👑💖💖🔥🔥🐐🐐💣💣💥💥🍆🍆🍆🍆😘😘😘😘 . #cleanandserene #cleanandsober #cleanliving #cleanaf #cleanteam #recoverystories #qualityoflifemovement #ohmiestribe #lindennj #lindennjfun #lindenlegend #fuckoutmyface #yogisofinstagram #yogaeverydamnday #yogainspiration #yogasavedmylife #calisthenicsmovement #calisthenicsworkout #beachyoga #beachday #hyperlapse #hiphopyoga #yogalife #vinyasaflow #asbury #asburypark #beachlife #freedomfromaddiction #freedomfromandfreedomto #justfortoday

87 7 Jul 18, 2018

"Yläasteella saavutin painon, joka oli mielestäni ehdottomasti liikaa. Aloin rajoittaa syömisiäni ja liikkumaan pakonomaisesti. Pääsin yhteen Helsingin parhaimmista lukioista ja opiskelupaineiden kasvaessa kadotin itseni lopullisesti syömishäiriön petolliseen maailmaan. Elämä pyöri syötyjen ja kulutettujen kaloreiden ympärillä ja koeviikolla lukemista tärkeämpää oli käydä juoksulenkillä. Lopulta jouduin lopettamaan koulun, jouduin sairaalan ja jäin monen vuoden osastokierteeseen." Recovery stories- sarja sai jatkoa Nooran tarinalla ja kuvilla. Tämä on sarjan kolmas osa. Kun mietin minkälaisia tarinoita tahtoisin mukaan sarjaani tiesin heti, että edes yksi tarina saisi kertoa syömishäiriöstä ja siitä toipumisesta. Aihe on myös ollut mukana elämässäni vahvasti, joten ymmärrän omien kokemuksieni perusteella minkälainen sairaus on. Tarina oli sen verran pitkä, ettei valitettavasti mahtunut instagramin tekstikenttään. Koko tarinan voi lukea osoitteessa: www.facebook.com/iinamariaphotography MODEL/STORY: Noora Järvenpää MUA: tmitiachristi PHOTOS/PROJECT: Iina Maria Photography #project #portrait #portraitphotography #stories #storytellingphotography #winter #spring #anorexy #anorexyrecovery #recovery #recoverystories #dreams #photography #photo #story #mua #makeup #personals #team

75 8 Jul 17, 2018

Some inspiring statistics for you 🇺🇸

35 2 Jul 18, 2018

Good morning..it's rough out here..sitting on the same bench that just two years ago i was trying to figure a way out of the mess I'd made of my life..i see people who were clean when i got outta jail have relapsed..that shit hurts..but i need to see it..how quickly they lost everything they built..some dudes out here i brought to meetings but the miracle still hasn't happened..i pray one day to witness it..unfortunately a bunch out here will never get clean..i love my city but a lot are hurting..what i know is i can't get anyone clean..and i gotta keep john number one..a lot of days are great...most are exhausting..but imma keep sitting on this bench being that beacon of light and hope they tell me to be..have a great day everyone..fuck out my face..oooowwww!! knockaround 👊👊💪💪💯💯🌞🌞👑👑💖💖💰💰💣💣💥💥🐐🐐🗣🗣🤸‍♂️🤸‍♂️🍆🍆🍆🍆😘😘😘😘 . #cleanandserene #cleanandsober #cleanliving #cleanaf #cleanteam #recoverystories #qualityoflifemovement #ohmiestribe #lindennj #lindennjfun #lindenlegend #fuckoutmyface #ohmiesway #yogisofinstagram #yogaeverydamnday #yogainspiration #yogasavedmylife #calisthenicsmovement #calisthenicsworkout #beacon #beaconoflight #beaconofhope #summerknocks #harmonkardon #sonyheadphones #uspolo #uspoloassn #knockaroundsunglasses #asicsgel #outfitoftheday

97 9 Jul 17, 2018

I had a conflict a couple of days ago and it triggered me big time. But being triggered is a great opportunity to heal and fix that part of me that is being triggered. Turns out that if somebody behaves out of character to me I automatically assume that they are upset with me. Others would think “they’re just having a bad day” - I think they must hate me. Not have a problem with me, they must hate me. It’s totally illogical but hey, BPD isn’t known of being overly rational. This whole triggered emotional mess made me think of myself and my automatic reactions to it. I realised that I don’t just assume that the other person has a problem with me, I try to fix it immediately. I look for a resolution and I put myself in really humiliating scenarios. I didn’t do it this time so that’s good, but I often do, I often want to fix it, smother the other person to reassure me that it’s all ok. This often has the opposite effect and pisses the other person off so even if their bad mood had nothing to do with me initially, it does now. So, lesson number one, if I see someone being in a bad mood, don’t assume it’s about me. If I want to say anything at all, maybe say “are you ok?”. Make it about the person. The other option is to give space and wait for them to come to me. But hey, what if my intuition IS right and they’re upset with me? Well then, that’s not really my problem. If they have an issue with me, they should talk about it like an adult. Then we can discuss it perhaps. If they sulk and be a child about it, then the best solution is, again, to give space and not react to it. Unless they provoke you cause then a loud “what’s your fucking problem? Huh? Huh?” can help. Only kidding, just have an adult conversation. Or let them sulk. It’s their problem. 😎 #bpd #bpdlife #bpdrecovery #bpdthoughts #bpdwarrior #bpdmemes #bpdstruggles #bpdthings #bpdstory #emotionallyunstablepersonalitydisorder #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #personalitydisorder #mentalillness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #recoverystories #recoverystory #recoveryispossible #stopthestigma #recoveryisworthit #bpdawareness #bpdsupport #bpdfam #stopthestigma #stopthestigmamentalillness

51 2 Jul 19, 2018

Good morning..hands down one of my favorite things about recovery is watching these mothers being reunited with their children..warms my heart..i cry with these beautiful women when i hear them talk about how grateful they are to have their baby back..how much it hurt to not be with them..and how hard they will work to marhow sure it never happens again..these arent bad girls..i hate hearing people say well how could you do that to your children..fuck you..you got no clue..they are just caught in the grip of something they are powerless over..my number one suggestion is to not jump into recovery for your kids..you have to do it for YOU first..everything falls in place after that..have a happy friday everyone..fuck out my face..oooowwww!! knockaround howlerbros👊👊💪💪🙏🙏🙌🙌🗣🗣👶👶🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️💏💏👩‍👦👩‍👦👩‍👦‍👦👩‍👦‍👦👩‍👧‍👦👩‍👧‍👦💯💯👑👑💖💖🐐🐐🔥🔥💰💰🍆🍆🍆🍆😘😘😘😘 . #cleanandserene #cleanandsober #cleanliving #cleanaf #cleanteam #recoverystories #qualityoflifemovement #ohmiestribe #lindennj #lindennjfun #lindenlegend #fuckoutmyface #knockaroundsunglasses #knockaround #ohmiesway #beautifulwomen #summerknocks #jheneaiko #jhenéaiko #singtome #trip #namikolove #dopebeats #firebeats #positivevibes #neosoul #rnb #contemporaryrnb #rnbmusic #howlerbros

42 4 Jul 20, 2018

Good afternoon..recovery is different for everybody..the NA hardliners will tell you I'm a prime candidate for a relapse because I'm not doing it their way..some of them literature spewing mfkers annoy me more than bible thumping jesus freaks..principles over personalities john..principles over personalities..i don't ever judge anybody in the rooms of NA/AA..no one's recovery is better or worse than anyone elses.. whatever you did yesterday to stay clean and sober..do it again today..try to do it again tomorrow.. i heard a speaker with 25 years clean say NA is A way not THE way..i needed to hear that..it's one of my tools i use to stay clean..but not the only tool i have at my disposal..with that being said any time someone struggling approaches me and asks what i suggest they do about their problem the FIRST thing i say is to getcha dumb ass to a fuckin meeting..sit down..shut the fuck up and listen..I've witnessed the most broken people walk through the door and get better..the power of one addict helping another is unparalleled..sorry for the rant lol enjoy the rest of the day...fuck out my face..oooowwww!! knockaround howlerbros 👊👊💪💪🙏🙏🙌🙌🗣🗣💯💯👑👑💖💖💰💰🐐🐐🕶🕶💣💣💥💥🍆🍆🍆🍆😘😘😘😘 . #cleanandserene #cleanandsober #cleanliving #cleanaf #cleanteam #recoverystories #qualityoflifemovement #ohmiestribe #lindennj #lindennjfun #lindenlegend #fuckoutmyface #yogisofinstagram #yogaeverydamnday #narcoticsanonymous #na #recoveryhumor #ohmiesway #recovery #eminem #slimshady #relapse #drwest #marshallmathers #dopebeats #knockaround #knockaroundsunglasses #howlerbros #wh1000xm2 #partysober

32 5 Jul 20, 2018

“Are you angry with me? Have I upset you? Have I done something wrong? Please, please tell me? Do you hate me now? I’ll do anything. Just don’t hate me! Please don’t be angry with me!” This is what happens in my head when I perceive somebody I like or have a connection with behaves differently to me from how they normally do. Today a colleague of mine I call a friend behaved strangely to me. She was rude and shook of all my attempts to connect personally or professionally. She picked on my outfit and made fun of me in front of others. She does that for a laugh and o often laugh it of as it feels like a joke. Today it just felt like an insult. Maybe she’s stressed, maybe something bad is happening in her life. This situation reminded me what happens to me in scenarios like this. It’s a trigger. I blame myself immediately. I realise that I have this deep set belief that if somebody behaves in a way that upsets me that must be my fault. I just want to fix it. I’m desperate. I remember as a kid if my parents were upset or being rude to me or hurt me and I didn’t understand why I had to just make an explanation. And I just blamed myself. Must be my fault. The world is ok, I’m not ok. I just have to get better somehow and then maybe I’ll be ok, too. This is a big trigger for me today and I just can’t stop crying. I guess knowing that it’s a trigger is a positive change. Step by step, little by little I’ll get there. #bpd #bpdlife #bpdrecovery #bpdthoughts #bpdwarrior #bpdmemes #bpdstruggles #bpdthings #bpdstory #emotionallyunstablepersonalitydisorder #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #personalitydisorder #mentalillness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #recoverystories #recoverystory #recoveryispossible #stopthestigma #recoveryisworthit #bpdawareness #bpdsupport #bpdfam #stopthestigma #stopthestigmamentalillness

68 30 Jul 17, 2018

Oh, the infamous split. One moment I love you, the next I hate you. I’m your biggest cheerleader but god have mercy on you if you cross me. The problem is, you may not even be aware that you’re doing something hurtful to me. My change of emotions is based on my perception of things so if I think you’re doing something hurtful then I have every right to hate you. Not dislike you, not be angry or upset with you, but HATE you. It also explains why I ask you if you hate me when I perceive some change in your mood. I ask you because if it was the other way around, I could, in fact, would do that. Hate you. For somebody who has great empathy, people with bpd seem to have this very basic, polarised emotional scale. Two opposites of everything. Love, hate. Joy, despair. Laugh, cry. And when heightened emotions aren’t felt - emptiness. #bpd #bpdlife #bpdrecovery #bpdthoughts #bpdwarrior #bpdmemes #bpdstruggles #bpdthings #bpdstory #emotionallyunstablepersonalitydisorder #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #personalitydisorder #mentalillness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #recoverystories #recoverystory #recoveryispossible #stopthestigma #recoveryisworthit #bpdawareness #bpdsupport #bpdfam #stopthestigma #stopthestigmamentalillness

39 0 Jul 21, 2018

I’ve had a rough day. I woke up with an emotional hangover, head- and heartache and felt zero motivation to do anything. I had this conflict yesterday and it really triggered me. I hate how much a conflict affects me still. I realised that my issue wasn’t even about the conflict itself but from feeling helpless about responding on the spot. I felt that I didn’t stand up for myself. But then I realised that it’s one of the hardest things to stand up for yourself in the heat of the moment. It doesn’t always work out. I think most of us struggle with it, and by us I don’t mean people with bpd but people in general. I can’t always get it right. But mostly I do. I’m not somebody who people take advantage of. I am ok in life. I will keep my eyes on the prize (happiness) and continue on this journey. I won’t always get it right but at least I know that. I get a lot of stuff right. And I have something that not many do - I have insight and self awareness. Feeling down sometimes is ok. I bounce back quicker now than before and that’s definitely a good thing. #bpd #bpdlife #bpdrecovery #bpdthoughts #bpdwarrior #bpdmemes #bpdstruggles #bpdthings #bpdstory #emotionallyunstablepersonalitydisorder #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #personalitydisorder #mentalillness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #recoverystories #recoverystory #recoveryispossible #stopthestigma #recoveryisworthit #bpdawareness #bpdsupport #bpdfam #stopthestigma

38 2 Jul 18, 2018
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